In this world of chaos and uncertainty it's hard to always have a positive out look. As we've had some major trials in our family this last year, sorrow and fear seemed to continuously loom around us. When you constantly expect bad things to happen it's hard to accept the good.
We have had some pretty uplifting experiences recently while trying to help Connor. It's been so wonderful to be a part of the miracle that is taking place. Last night as I realized how close we are to reaching our goal I started to feel this little twinge of doubt. This inner struggle that rages on in my head. Are we doing more than we should? Am I worthy of such a marvelous gift? As the night went on this feeling of unease took over me. What's wrong with me why can't I just be happy?
Late last night I was once again on my way to meet my mom to deliver cinnamon rolls. As I sat in my car waiting everything was quite and still. As I pondered all of the recent events several thoughts came to my mind. We've been having all of these amazingly spiritual experiences that I forgot for a brief moment that the adversary was out there fighting against us. That the fear and doubt was not from me but from one who wants us to be unhappy.
Suddenly a warm feeling came over me as I sat there in the quite of the night. And this still small voice impressed upon my heart, "Be still and know that I am God. I shall open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." In that moment I realized that the Lord's plans for me and my family are bigger than my own. That I have to have the faith that He will lead me where He wants me to be.