Bless Our Nest

Passing the Sacrament

2011-03-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

Bryan turned 12 in January and was so excited to become a Deacon. He was excited to be able to do baptisms for the dead, but passing the sacrament was a scary thing. He struggled for months being unsure of himself, afraid to stand in front of so many people. Brent even offered to pass the sacrament with him but he still didn't want to do it.

"How do I know where to go? How do I know what to do?"

A few weeks ago one of Bryan's leaders approached me at church. "I noticed Bryan hasn't passed the sacrament yet." I explained to this leader how Bryan was unsure of how to do it and was nervous being in front of so many people. He then offered to come pick Bryan up before church and have the other Deacons show Bryan how it's done. What a great idea this was. I couldn't wait to tell Bryan.

When we got home from church I told Bryan about what his leader and I had discussed. I thought Bryan would be so happy he would finally be able to pass the sacrament. However, all I got was, "Why did you go talk to him? I will do it when I'm ready." That was so not the response I thought I was going to get.

We then had a long discussion and had come to the agreement that he would go early and let the others show him the process and then he would decide whether to pass the sacrament then or to wait until the following week.

Well today was that day. I got Bryan up to get ready for church. "It's after 7:00, you need to hurry. Your leader will be here in 45 minutes." There was lots of grumbling from under the blanket. I wonder if he thought I would go away if I couldn't see him? Then there came the, "I don't feel good." and the, "I'm too tired." Being the mean mom I am I told him too bad you are going to church. As I walked down the hallway to get my other two children out of bed I heard, "FINE" and his not so little feet stomping to the bathroom.

7:50 came and off Bryan went.

When the rest of us had gotten to church and took our seats Bryan was already sitting with the other Deacons waiting to pass the sacrament. I think my heart skipped a beat. After we sang and the prayer was said I watched as my young son stood with the rest of the young men. He seemed so grown up standing there. He started passing the bread row by row. Watching him from the side I could see the corner of his mouth turn upward into a smile. Then came the water, again I watched him as he went row by row. I could still see that hint of a smile on his face. As he got to the end and went to stand in line with the other young men he turned to me and smiled.

I was so proud of him. I was so proud that he was honoring his Priesthood and blessing others by passing the sacrament. And most of all I was proud that he had decided to do it for himself.

As Bryan walked back to sit with our family he had this ear to ear grin on his face. Once he got closer I could hear him say, (along with the three rows in front of us) "Yes, I did it!" He sat next to me and I put my arm around him. He proceeded to tell me how "awesome" that was and that next week we need to sit in his area so that he can pass the sacrament to us. In that moment, I don't know why but, I was reminded of a book title I had once come across. "Even the Prophet started out as a Deacon." I couldn't help but wonder at what the Lord has planned for my son. Will he be a future Bishop or Stake President? Will he serve as an Apostle, or be in the Quorum of the Twelve? Will he one day serve along side the Prophet? Will he be a great Young Men's leader and help others to fulfill their divine rolls?

As we got in the car after church Bryan announces, "I'm going on a mission!"

It was a great day to have been the mean mom.

5 Months Ago Today.....

2011-03-15T13:07:00.000-07:00

Five months ago today I woke up like every other day. I got my children ready for school, made lunches, checked homework, found a missing shoe. It was just like every other day except I had this fear in my heart. A fear that only a mother can know. A fear that there is something wrong with my child. Five months ago today Connor was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

Last month we held a fundraiser for Connor, to be able to get him the insulin pump that he so longs for. I started out with this huge fear. I didn't want it to look as though we were just asking for money. I didn't want to bother people with our troubles. I just felt this desperate need to help my child. As we started organizing things for our garage sale weekend people started making donations, ordering bake sale items, then I found a new fear. What if people don't donate items for us to sell? You can't have a garage sale if there isn't anything to sell. The donations of items started flooding in. We had more then I ever thought we would. Then I feared that no one would come. What happens if no one shows up and we are left with all of this stuff? Then we found out it was supposed to rain. We pressed forward with faith that everything would work out. As we put everything out on Friday morning people slowly started to arrive. The sun was shinning. It was a beautiful day. Then all of a sudden we were flooded with people. Everywhere I turned there were people. It never stopped. As my heart filled with emotion I looked and saw my friends. People from our ward who had come to support our family. They never stopped coming. By the end of the day we had raised over $1500.

As Brent and I sat in the temple Friday night there was this feeling of overwhelming love. It was so strong you could almost touch it. We both sat there in silence pondering the events of the day. I looked at Brent as he held my hand. "There is no way we did this on our own. Heavenly Father had a hand in it all." We left that night with a renewed sense of strength, and peace in our hearts.

Saturday morning as we were setting up for the day the clouds were dark and heavy in the sky. My heart sank. "Please Heavenly Father don't let it rain. Not today." We started off a little slower than we had the day before but once again the people came. Once again there were my friends, all there to support our family. Once again everyone proved more generous than I could have ever imagined. At one point the clouds broke right over our house. I could feel the warmth of the sun's rays on my face and felt as though I was being embraced by the love of a merciful Heavenly Father. He had opened the windows of Heaven and was pouring out a blessing that there wasn't room enough to receive it.

At the end of the day we counted everything up. It was just over $1600 bringing our two day total to over $3100. Who does that? Who makes that kind of money at a garage sale? Everything we were blessed with has only been possible by the grace of God. It is so humbling to have been witness to this miracle He made happen on behalf of our little family.

That night as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to take me I couldn't get the image of the sun shining through the clouds out of my head.

This process of learning to live a new life has lead me down many paths. I am no longer that same person that woke up on October 15th. Yes, I still am me. I still get my children ready for school. I still have to locate that often missing shoe. But, there is something that has changed within me. These past five months I have gone through a range of emotions from deep despair, to everlasting gratitude. I have found a strength that I haven't know before. I have gone from believing in, to knowing the love my Savior has for me. My family has been brought closer together. I cherish that they are mine forever. I find great comfort in that sealing power. I've learned the power of prayer and have gained an unshakable faith. The fear and doubt that once took residence in my every thought has been replaced by an assurance that Heavenly Father is watching over us. He knows of my struggles. He knows of my burdens. He knows the intent of my heart. And that is why, as I ponder that image of the sun breaking through the clouds, I am reminded that we must walk through the storm and it's trials to be able to fully appreciate the Son and the peace He brings. That is something that I will treasure always.

Doubt not

2011-02-18T13:58:00.000-08:00

In this world of chaos and uncertainty it's hard to always have a positive out look. As we've had some major trials in our family this last year, sorrow and fear seemed to continuously loom around us. When you constantly expect bad things to happen it's hard to accept the good.

We have had some pretty uplifting experiences recently while trying to help Connor. It's been so wonderful to be a part of the miracle that is taking place. Last night as I realized how close we are to reaching our goal I started to feel this little twinge of doubt. This inner struggle that rages on in my head. Are we doing more than we should? Am I worthy of such a marvelous gift? As the night went on this feeling of unease took over me. What's wrong with me why can't I just be happy?

Late last night I was once again on my way to meet my mom to deliver cinnamon rolls. As I sat in my car waiting everything was quite and still. As I pondered all of the recent events several thoughts came to my mind. We've been having all of these amazingly spiritual experiences that I forgot for a brief moment that the adversary was out there fighting against us. That the fear and doubt was not from me but from one who wants us to be unhappy.

Suddenly a warm feeling came over me as I sat there in the quite of the night. And this still small voice impressed upon my heart, "Be still and know that I am God. I shall open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." In that moment I realized that the Lord's plans for me and my family are bigger than my own. That I have to have the faith that He will lead me where He wants me to be.

I believe in miracles

2011-02-16T15:28:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I had an idea. I wanted to help my son. I wanted to make him feel more empowered, to help him know that he can set big goals and that he can do hard things. So as a family we decided to hold a garage sale/ bake sale fundraiser to help Connor raise the money he needs to get an insulin pump. We started the planning process, picked the dates, and started our journey. I had realistic expectations. Honestly how much can you make at a garage sale? The amount we needed seemed so big. But, we felt it was better to be proactive. To try and do something and not just sit and wait for something to happen. And what has occurred since we started has been nothing short of miraculous.

The first week we made between $400 and $500. This was more than I thought we would ever receive total let alone in the first week. Not only were we blessed that so many people were willing to help but I started noticing something begin to change in our home. Connor still has his bad days. Days were the depression seems to get the better of him, but as we would talk about the things that were starting to happen with the fundraiser something started to change in him. He had something to look forward to again. He gets excited when he comes home everyday and asks, "So how did we do today mom?" When I inform him of our progress he just smiles, gives me a hi-five, and says, "I can't believe that so many people want to help me."

At the beginning of last week I met my mom at a half way point between our houses to deliver all the cinnamon rolls I had just finished making. It was a marathon event. 168 cinnamon rolls made in 2 days. We sat in the parking lot and talked for a while about how amazing this experience has been. How much it has touched each of our lives. This process has been more emotional than I thought it would be. Every time someone would give so freely and so willingly whether it was money, or buying some of our bake sale items, or donating things for us to sell at our garage sale I would be overcome with emotion. My heart would be so full and in such disbelief that people would be so generous. As we were getting in our separate vehicles to return to our homes my phone went off. I had just received an email. I quickly started to read the words CONGRATULATIONS and your son Connor and $1000. I jumped out of my car and stopped my mom. As I tried to compose myself I read the email out loud. It was an email from a representative from The Prayer Child Foundation. They are a charity that was formed by Gold Canyon Candles to help children in need. A wonderful lady in my parents ward had contacted my mom about PCF and told her that I should apply. That Connor met the criteria for children that they help. We got our letter submitted a few days earlier and this email was what we had been waiting for. It said that our request had been considered at a recent meeting and that our son Connor had been approved for $1000 donation from The Prayer Child Foundation to be put toward purchasing Connor's insulin pump. I could hardly get the words out through the tears streaming down my face. We hugged each other and said our goodbyes. I sobbed the whole way home. Once I reached my house I gathered my family together. Brent read the email out loud for the children to hear. I was still so overcome with emotion. As Brent read the words Connor looked at me and started to cry. Once again I held my son on my lap, tears running down each of our faces, just like I had done a few weeks before. Only this time we cried for joy. In a weeks time we had already raised half of our goal.

We had already raised more than I had ever dreamed possible but we still had a long way to go. In the last week people continue to show their generosity. Our front room is filled with items donated with love for us to sell. My parents garage is also half full. People are still buying our bake sale items and making donations to help my son. I don't know if I have any tears left to cry but they always seem to come. I am astounded at the kindness of others. Strangers who don't know me, who don't know my son but feel compelled to help.

This whole experience has been so healing. It took me a long time to realize that I was in mourning. I still have my child and he is still for the most part healthy and happy. However, life has completely changed for our family. Things aren't so simple. Everything is meticulously calculated and planned out. I didn't realize how simple things had been before. We had been stuck in survival mode just trying to adjust to the new day to day tasks that I never actually took the time to think about how much this all, for the lack of a better word, SUCKS. I was mourning for the loss of the carefree life of my son. I was mourning the fact that my child was now faced with more grown up things, that he has been faced with his mortality, that he now sees a therapist, the fact that he has more doctors than the rest of us combined. Life seemed difficult before but I now long for the simplicity of being able to say, "Just grab something to eat," to my hungry child. Our life these last few months has been defined as before and after. Now we are slowly being able to say once again, here and now.

In the last 2 weeks we have raised over $2000 and it's growing more everyday. I know we have not come this far on our own. I know the Lord's hand has guided us every step of the way. I was reminded of this the other night as we were having family prayer before bed. It was Connor's turn. As he went through the normal, thank you for this day, thank you for our family, etc. I was overwhelmed when I heard my sweet son say, "Please bless those that have helped us with my fundraiser. Please help them to know how thankful we are for them." And I am, SO thankful for them. I will never be able to fully express the gratitude I have for the many people who have so greatly blessed our family.

These last few weeks I have been taught so much. My family has been strengthened and brought closer together. The tender wounds we all bear have begun to heal. I have been reminded of the power of prayer. I have learned to have faith in what the Lord can do. And, to dream bigger. I have learned that even though it is hard to ask for help that people are kind and more generous than I thought possible. That in order to bear our own burdens we must sometimes lighten the load for someone else. I have always believed in miracles. But, I now can say I've have been witness to one. That we have come so close to reaching our goal in such a short amount of time and how it has impacted our lives forever truly has been miraculous and it makes my soul want to cry out, "My God how great Thou art."

Faith, Hope, and Cinnamon Rolls?

2011-02-07T00:39:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago on a not so cold night in January, Connor and I went on a "mother/son date." As we sat in our car and talked over frozen yogurt my son began to share the burdens of his heart. Missing his best friend, the loneliness he has, how he now feels different than everyone else, how he hates having Diabetes and the constant fear he has that he's going to mess something up or not do something right and in turn that he might die from it. As he sat on my lap and sobbed such a deep mournful sob I couldn't contain my tears. As I hugged his little body tighter my thoughts were instantly filled with anger. I hate Diabetes! I hate the bruises the needles sometimes leave on his body. I hate that he can't eat when and how he wants to without having to weigh, measure or count every carb. I hate that I have to poke my sleeping child's finger in the middle of the night. I hate that I have to worry about such things as seizures from low blood sugar, DKA or dead in bed syndrome. (We have never told Connor about any of these!) I hate that his body sometimes can't do everything that he wants it to. I hate that I'm slowly loosing a part of him to the depression that often accompanies Diabetes. I hate that my 9 year old son is faced with his mortality. And most of all I hate that I can't fix it for him. I can't take the pain away from him and I can't bear the burdens for him that he must face daily for the rest of his life. In that moment as I grieved with my son I thought of my Savior as He was in the Garden of Gethsemane. I thought of my Heavenly Father. How He must have wept as His Son cried out to Him in pain and with a heavy heart, knowing there was nothing He could do to ease the burdens that His Son must bear. How His arms must have ached to hold and comfort Him.

In the days that followed I struggled to know how to help my child. The sadness that crept into my heart is at times overwhelming. Brent and I discussed what we could do. We prayed about it, and talked some more, and then prayed again. We came to the conclusion that the help Connor needs is beyond what we as parents can give him alone. Our children look to us for everything and it's hard to remember that we don't have super powers and sometimes we have to call in reinforcements. We also decided to have a garage sale and bake sale to raise the money we needed to be able to afford an insulin pump for Connor. I strongly feel that this will not only help him physically but mentally give him strength.

We started spreading the word about what we were trying to accomplish. So many people have offered of their time, their talents, and their generosity. My dad has turned into quite the sales man. The first day we raised just under $50. As I told Connor his eyes just lit up. You could see that little glimmer of hope in him. A few people have come up to my dad and gave him what they could and simply said, "This is for your grandson." A simple statement that has touched all of our hearts. By the end of three days and everyone's combined efforts we had raised 10% of our goal. And I now have 30+ orders of cinnamon rolls to fill. Friday afternoon I went to El Rico's to see if they would be willing to donate some of their salsa for us to sell like they had done previously for our ward girls camp fundraiser. As I pulled into the parking lot I said a simple prayer. "Heavenly Father please help me to know what to say that I may touch their hearts." It's so hard to ask people for help especially people you don't know. As I walked into the restaurant I asked to speak with the owner/manager. I was guided to the manager and I began telling him my story. The manager tells me to wait just a moment. As I turned around there stood a man with tears in his eyes and said, "Hi I'm Rich. My grandson was just diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes a week and a half ago and I would be happy to help you in any way that I can." We both stood there eyes filled with tears. That look of knowing on each others faces. We spent the next several minutes sharing our stories about the children that we loved. I left my name and phone numbers and offered my support to his daughter and her son. Having spent the last 114 days coping with our new life I have slowly come to realize what it means to be the parent of a child with this disease. I walked away in pure amazement at what had just happened. This couldn't have been just coincidental. I knew Heavenly Father had lead me there and I was overcome with gratitude. I sat in my car and cried.

This started out as an idea. A way to help my son. I thought that by doing this I could teach not only him but my other children that they can do hard things, that they can set goals and work to achieve them. I thought it was a way to show my son that it's ok to ask for help when you can't do things on your own and that there are many people out there that care about him. I also thought it was a great lesson in service, but what I didn't realize was that in trying to help my child I've really been helping myself. Every step of the way there has been some spiritual reminder that we are doing what we are supposed to. Uplifting moments that change you forever. That open wound that has made a home in my heart has slowly begun to heal.

I hope that we will be successful in our efforts. As I continue to pray I'm reminded time and again to have patience and to have faith. I know everything will work out the way it needs to. I am and will be forever grateful to those that have given to help our family. And even though my arms are sore from kneading a lot of dough I'm thankful that so many people like cinnamon rolls.

"Come what may, and love it."

2011-01-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

It's a new year and I have much to be thankful for. 2010 was an extremely difficult year for our family. We have endured many trials. Some more difficult than others and at times some seemed more than I could bear. I spent a lot of time on my knees pleading with Heavenly Father about the struggles my family was faced with. It just seemed like it was one thing after another piled right on top of each other. Some that really weighed heavy on my heart. There was a lot of "why" and "how come." Amidst the adversity were great blessings. I have come to know my Heavenly Father personally. I've gone to Him with great sorrow, turned it over to Him, and had the pain instantly taken away. I've had answers to prayer that I can't deny. Of all of these the greatest blessing is the constant reminder of His love for me and His reassurance that I am not alone. I have been surrounded by so many ward members and friends that have freely given of their love and support. There is a blog I read from time to time and there was a wonderful story I read awhile ago that has been in my thoughts lately and really applies to my life.

"You know I have a household of sick kids (well only 2 left now)...but when I went to bed at after 11 PM, I was really tired. As I was falling asleep, a bright-bright light kept shining in my window. It kept disappearing before I could focus on what it was. It was so very bright when it did shine, then it was really really dark again. I forced my eyes to stay open and watch to see if I could see it again. I did and still couldn't figure out what it was, so I got out of bed.

I walked to the window and do you know what I saw? Fireflies. A whole bunch of them outside of my window.

I stayed quiet, in the dark , trying to figure out what was going on. Outside the window a couple of fireflies were making a circle pattern around my window. It continued for a while, I was amazed that they could make such a good circle-about the size of a dinner plate. I wondered why though. Usually you don't spot fireflies so high up (they prefer the ground). As my eyes adjusted to their brightness (and they were blinking in unison on top of it all)...

...I noticed that there was one constant light on the bottom of my window. Upon closer investigation, I realized the little guy was trapped between the inside portion of our glass and screen. His light was left on...it was dim, but very on. I slid the window up and talked to him (her?) gently. I told him I had seen his friends rescue signal and was here to bring him *OUT.* He hid in a corner for a while, but I persuaded him to climb in my hands. I stood there in amazement, as now his light was of a soft greenish glow and was growing ever brighter.

I carried him downstairs and let him out the front door. Thanking him for the light show and blessing his little lightening bug life. I told him he had really nice friends.

When I got back into bed his friends had left, only darkness and sleep were calling me. But the Lord really spoke to me in this little mini-drama.

Alone sometimes our lights are dim, during trials or hardship, but if we have that Light within us, it shines out and God sends help ;-) And even when we don't know it our light is shining among men, who hopefully are awake enough to see and take notice of the Holy Spirit that resides within us as Believers.

It is so good to have friends, it is good to have friends who willingly shine into our dark places-even when there seems to be no hope. How thankful I am that we don't walk this road alone, but that we are surrounded by our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Hope this ministers to you as much as it is still ministering to me.

Shine on my friends, shine on!"

How this story touches me. It has been at times of trial and stress that He has sent His servants to lighten my load and lift my spirit. I was reminded of this again today as I checked my mail. I had been avoiding the mail box for weeks. It had been filling up with medical bills and avoidance sometimes is easier than facing reality right? Well it was back to school for the kids and once again time to live in the real world where we have responsibilities and bills we have to pay. Among all the grocery ads, bills, and junk mail was a green envelope. I thought it was a Christmas card from a friend but I opened it up and it was something else. Inside was a card and a sweet note. Also included was a large monetary gift. My eyes instantly filled with tears. I was and still am so overcome with emotion. This is another amazing reminder that my Heavenly Father loves me. That He hears me and surrounds me with people who care for me and my family. Aside from the fact that this gift will cover most of Connor's prescriptions this month, the simple words, "I've been thinking of you" is what has truly touch my heart. That this sweet friend would take the time out of their hectic life to think of me, to remind me once again how much I am loved is a blessing beyond measure.

In the January issue of the Ensign there is an article by Elder Paul V. Johnson titled "Make yours a great life."
In it he states; "Yes, we live in challenging times, but so did Mary, Moroni, and Joseph Smith. We don't have to be carried along in the current of times....Your future is not determined by the conditions around you. It is determined by your faith, your choices, and your efforts." He also quotes Elder Joseph B Wirthlin's last conference address titled "Come what may, and love it." Elder Wirthlin says, "If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness." I know this to be true. During all of these trials I have received more blessings than I can name and have gained such a testimony that I will be forever grateful for.

So for my resolutions this year?

....to have a thankful heart

.....to love too much

....to look for the Light of God in others and be a help to them as others have been to me

....to make mine a great life

....and come what may, I will love it all.

This crazy thing called life.

2010-10-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

This will have to be a picture-less post for now as I can't seem to find the cord for our camera. But that's kind of how life has been for our house lately. A little lost. Trying to stay afloat but somehow we seem to have misplaced the paddle. We've got our heads above water but can't seem to get anywhere. The cosmic game of one step forward two steps back.

Our sweet Connor had his 9th birthday on September 17th. For him it was an amazing day. It was a half day at school. It was a Friday and it was the beginning of fall break. He had an awesome party with his friends. We played lots of silly games and they stuffed themselves full of pizza and cupcakes. It couldn't have been a better night. We had a wonderful family party the next day. Connor got lots of great presents. Turning 9 for Connor was just as cool as it could be. Family, friends, fun, food, and presents. How could it be any better than that?

Our family motto recently has been "adjusting to our new normal." I was recently called into the Young Women's presidency as the 1st counselor. Which meant a big time commitment. Presidency meetings, mutual, youth conference, camp, etc. Brent has been extremely busy at work and has been traveling a lot so it is a little bit of a juggling act. I was really nervous at first. Well terrified actually. I just didn't want to mess anything up. But now I see it as such an amazing incredible opportunity. The women I serve with are so wonderful and everything seems to flow so easily. That being said the young women in our ward are equally amazing. They are so loving and accepting of each other and have such sweet spirits. I am so blessed to be apart of young womens and to have each of them in my life.

Back to that "adjusting to our new normal" thing. Well there had been some odd things going on with Connor recently. A little more than a month ago it started with him wetting the bed. My Connor never wet the bed. Not even when we were potty training did he wet the bed. There were a few times he had wet the bed several times in one night. (I'm sure later he is going to hate that I put this on here) I was concerned about that so I turned to my trusty computer and my right hand man Mr. Google and started looking up what could cause this. Well one thing could have been stress or anxiety. I thought OK, well we just found out that his best friend Tony would be moving soon. So we decided to watch him and see how things went. Then we started noticing he was constantly getting up to go to the bathroom. I feel horrible now because he got in trouble for this. We would say to him, there is no way you need to go to the bathroom again you just went 30 minutes ago. We thought he was just like every other kid getting up all the time to go to the bathroom and get drinks to delay going to bed. He started talking about school and how he had to go to the bathroom all the time but didn't because he didn't want to change his card to yellow (behavior cards) or loose his recess. This still wasn't a cause for concern yet because who really knows how often their child goes to the bathroom when they are in school all day or in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping? (In hindsight I now feel so incredibly guilty because we also started restricting him from drinking water at night to try and help with the bed wetting. I now know that he was so extremely thirsty. As my mom says you'll spend most of your adult life feeling guilty about things you didn't know or wish you could have done differently with your children. Can I get an AMEN to that one?!) Nothing really struck me as there was something wrong until two weeks ago when we decided to spend Saturday doing something together as a family. We decided to go to Cabela's which is this amazing sporting goods store out in Glendale. My poor kid had to go to the bathroom almost every 30 minutes to an hour even if he wasn't drinking something. I remember thinking this is crazy. There's got to be something wrong. Well I once again turned to my close friend Mr. Google and put in these new symptoms. Of course the search turned up diabetes but I also found it could have been a urinary tract infection. Neither of which mentioned anything about bed wetting. Again we just thought we'd wait and see what happened. Jump forward to Tuesday night (Oct. 12) I was taking Bryan to scouts (mutual had been canceled that night for fall break) and the car started acting very strange. Then the engine/transmission light came on. Great another thing I have to deal with, my luck Brent had just gone out of town that morning and wouldn't be home until Friday evening. I went to pick up Bryan and the car wouldn't shift out of second gear. I called Brent, told him what was going on, and he called to see if his dad could come out and look at the car. Wednesday comes. I walk the kids to and from school. No big deal. (Our Durango is also out of commission so we are with out a working vehicle.) Brent's dad starts looking under the hood and we can't even find a place to check the transmission fluid. It has to be taken to a shop. Ugh, stupid car! Brent's mom came too and was enjoying seeing the kids. We had been talking about some of the things that were going on with Connor and she made the comment about how skinny he looked. Connor had been skin and bones since birth so I just kind of shrugged it off. We made arrangements to take the car to a nearby shop Thursday morning. I took the kids to school and my cute friend Debra followed me to the shop. The shop called later that morning. I answered it still praying it was something simple. We are broke, don't have credit cards, and I just needed one working vehicle. They told me it was the shift control module and it would be $480+ to fix it. Ugh STUPID car! The rest of the day was spent trying to come up with a way to pay for it. The car wouldn't be ready til Friday morning. Walked home with the kids and started thinking about my cute Connor again. He really did look thin and he looked so tired. I figured it was because he hadn't slept thru the night in over a month because he'd wake up to use the bathroom. So I looked up growth charts on Mr. Google and then measured and weighed each of my kids as not to single Connor out. Both Heidi and Bryan are pretty much where they were before school started in July. Connor came in and told me he was 68 pounds. I thought NO WAY! You probably did it wrong let's go do it again. (The last time we weighed Connor he was around 78-80 pounds and the kid eats like a man!!!) Sure enough the scale said 68.6. Holy cow! I got the kids to bed and turned once again to the computer. The weight loss completely freaked me out. He ate like crazy and hadn't been sick. There was no way he could have lost 10 lbs and there not be something wrong with him. It wasn't until I had this new symptom that the search pulled up a site for children with diabetes. There it was. ALL of his symptoms including bed wetting staring me in the face. It can't be. It's gotta be something else. ANYTHING else. Watching my dad live most of my life with diabetes and it's complications has been horrible and I couldn't even think of my sweet son dealing with the same things. He's just a baby! It's Friday morning (Oct 15 a day I probably won't forget) It starts like any other day. Feed the kids breakfast and get them ready for school. I asked Connor to go weigh himself again just to see. 67 pounds. Connor looks exhausted. We walk to school and about half way there he tells me he is so tired and his backpack is making his shoulders hurt. He took off his backpack and I carried it the rest of the way. As I walked home I could see him thru the fence. He was playing soccer with his friends. Man he looked so thin. Can he really be that sick if he's running around and playing like everyone else? I got home and made an appointment with the doctor. No harm in checking it out. The appointment wasn't until Monday afternoon. Three extremely long days away. What am I supposed to do? I don't have a car! Ugh stupid CAR! I can't take him today. How am I supposed to get there? I just had this nagging feeling that wouldn't go away. Am I just being a paranoid over protective mother? So, I prayed about it. I begged please let me know what to do to help my son. There is something wrong with him and I'm not sure what to do. Is three days TOO long? I got a hold of my friemd Kristin. She has been a type 1 diabetic since she was a teenager. I told her everything that was going on and it was almost scary how similar our two stories were. What do I do??? She had the brilliant idea to see if the school nurse could test his blood sugar! This was totally inspired. It might just be that she's a diabetic and they pound it into you TEST YOUR BLOOD SUGAR but this to me was heaven sent. I figured if the nurse could test it and it came back normal then it was something else and we would just wait till Monday. I called the school and spoke with the nurse. I told her about what had been going on and that I don't have a way to get him to the doctor because of our car being in the shop. She agreed to test it for me and call me back. Thirty minutes later the shop calls. My car is done. Hallelujah! I called the school. She hadn't tested it yet. She was waiting for Connor to get back to class. Kristin drove me to pick up my car and I went straight to the school. I walked into the nurses office and told her who I was. She hadn't tested him yet and called him straight back to the nurses office. "Please make sure he brings all of his things. He might be going home for the day." She pricks his finger and does the test. I heard her gasp. I looked down to see the number. 525. A person with out diabetes has a normal range of 70-120. I started crying. I couldn't help it. I KNEW what was wrong with him. You couldn't deny it at this point. She also did a urine test to check for ketones which is sugar in your urine. You shouldn't have any. Connor's test came out the highest the test could go which was a 160 of what ever the measurement was. Both of these numbers were dangerously high. The nurse told me I have to take Connor to the emergency room right away and that they would probably admit him to the hospital. Ahhh! What do I do? Brent was headed home thank goodness but was still a good 5-6 hours away. Bryan has a scout camp out at 4:30. I was completely stressed out. Thankfully my mom was able to get off of work and pick up my kids from school. She also took Bryan to the church so he could still go on his camp out. Connor and I headed to Banner Gateway Hospital. They took him into a room where they started all kinds of blood tests. I was also informed our copay was $150. A few hours later they told us what I already knew. Connor has type 1 juvenile diabetes. We had to wait a while longer for them to find a bed over at Cardon Children's hospital. This meant an ambulance ride (for transport purposes only) over to our next hospital. Brent made it to the E.R. just before we were sent to the children's hospital. We spent the next 3 nights and 4 days there. The hospital and it's staff were simply amazing. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome they are. They were trying to get Connor better regulated but it was mostly teaching us all about type 1 diabetes and how to take care of Connor. We had so many people friends and family come visit or offer their support. I can't put into words how wonderful it is to be so abundantly reassured that there are people who care about and love you. I don't know what I would have done with out all of them. We had to fill Connor's prescriptions before we could leave so they made sure we knew how to use everything. Monthly cost $110. Our "new normal" now consists of a minimum of 4 insulin injections a day, more if Connor wants a snack and a minimum of 7 finger pricks to test his blood sugars EVERY DAY for the REST OF HIS LIFE. We have to count every carb he eats and be on the alert for high/low blood sugars and their symptoms. Our day is full of math and calculations. Adding, dividing, measuring, and weighing. It's a little overwhelming at times. Connor, however is simply amazing. I don't know how he can handle it all so well. By the end of the first night he was testing his blood by himself and by the next day giving himself most of his injections. I haven't heard him complain. Not even once. I hope this attitude lasts for a long time. Honestly that's the only thing that helps me cope with all of this. That my child isn't having a melt down at every injection time. The nurses and doctors all told me our moment of melt down will come for each of us. So far we've been good but I think that's because we haven't slowed down enough to really think about it. It did hit me a little yesterday when I looked at the bottle filled with needles and finger prickers. I couldn't believe how many had accumulated in just 3 1/2 days. No one, especially a little boy should have to poke themselves that many times a day. It really made me sad. But I have to stay strong for my other children who are really struggling with this as they don't really understand diabetes yet. It will all come in time. Connor will be going back to school on Monday which is a huge fear for me because I have to turn over his care to someone else. I know he will be fine but that doesn't make it any easier. I am just so thankful at the timing of everything. Had we waited much longer Connor would have been very sick. In fact most newly diagnosed children spend their first few days in intensive care because they are extremely ill. I'm grateful that our car was finished in time to take him to the hospital on the day Brent was coming home. I'm thankful for my mom who was able to take care of everything at home while I was with Connor and the doctors. I'm thankful Brent made it to the hospital before we were moved to the next one. I'm grateful for all the love and support for our family. I'm extremely thankful for my sweet friend Kristin who suggested the nurse test Connor and that Heavenly Father blessed me by bringing her into my life at the right time to help me with my son. I know financially everything will work out. It has too and for that I'm also thankful. It's all an amazing reminder that life is a complicated dance that is choreographed down to the second by a knowing and loving Father in Heaven.

Has it really been 11 years?

2010-01-07T22:59:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been 11 years since you were born.

Has time really gone that fast?

I blinked and you grew into this young man.

When I look at you I still see this cute little boy with the huge smile and deep voice.

So much has happened in your eleven years.

You were born in the midst of Y2K,

Before cell phones and Mp3 players,

before the Wii or NintendoDS.

You were walking by 9 months and couldn't wait to go exploring.

You became a big brother before you were 3.

And just before that there was the tragedy of September 11, 2001.

When you were four we moved into our first home.

You played t-ball and learned to ride a bike.

Just before you turned six you became a big brother again.

We moved into our second house when you were seven

When you were eight you went to Disneyland for the first time.

When you were ten you went again but this time

it was on your birthday.

You were baptized.

So much has happened I just can't name it all.

I just can't believe you were born over a decade ago.

I don't remember giving you my permission to grow up.

You are such a sweet boy. You have an amazing laugh and love to be silly.

You are great at video games. One of your favorites is Guitar Hero.

You are getting really good at playing the clarinet.

You love going to church and being a part of the scouts.

You're one growth spurt away from getting clothes from the mens department.

You can eat ribs by the dozen and your favorite color is red.

I think we have similar personalities and that means that we clash from time to time.

You have such an old soul and are wise beyond your years.

You have a desire to learn how things work.

You are becoming this young man who I am so very proud of.

I will blink again and soon you will be driving,

going on a mission...

getting married...

but I will forever see you

as that sweet baby boy with a full head of dark hair

that I once held in my arms.

Happy Birthday my little man.
I love you,

Mom

Christmas day...

2010-01-06T16:42:00.000-08:00

Our Christmas began very early this year. The kids just wouldn't go to sleep. Brent and I were up until close to 3 am. Then our wonderful children got us up a little past 6:30. They came running into our room screaming Santa came and we've already opened some of the presents. Of course being parents who actually want to watch our children open their gifts Brent and I were a little disheartened.

"It was all an accident," the boys exclaimed.

You see the night before our family got an awesome basketball hoop from Mark and Katie and Aunt Renet got each kid their own basketball. (I can't believe they make pink basketballs)

Apparently the kids had been up for awhile before they came and woke us.

They had gone thru their stockings and then decided to play with their basketballs. I'm not quite sure how but one of the basketballs landed in the presents tearing open two of the presents. These presents were the Master Chief Halo action figures both of the boys desperately wanted. One blue and one green.
We later learned that Bryan wanted the blue one when we found Connor's name scratched off of his blue Master Chief.
Once we kind of figured out what happened and had a little talk about waiting to open gifts or stockings until mom and dad are awake it was time to open presents.

Santa was good to us this year. He brought the kids new bikes.

I think almost every box Heidi got this year was pink.

She got almost everything on her list.

A bike with a "honker" on it so she can tell people to get out of the way. A baby that talks. (The one she got laughs and cries while moving its arms and legs) A baby bed. A horse that her dolls can ride on. Santa also brought her a remote controlled My Little Pony scooter and a Snow White picnic set.

One of the items on the boys' list was a Nerf machine gun. It fires 3 darts a second.

I think Santa has an odd sense of humor. He brought Heidi a tiny Nerf gun to defend herself. It only shoots one dart total.

The boys also wanted Lego Star Wars.
(It took Brent and the boys 2 days to finish putting these together.)

The rest of their gifts included GI Joe guys and Bionicles. These were only some of the things on their list. They also wanted Santa to bring them tvs, Xbox 360, NintendoDS and many other electronic gadgets. Mind you they each wanted one for their rooms.

I'm glad Santa kept it on the smaller side this year or I might not have ever seen my boys leave their rooms again.

The highlight was that Santa brought us a Wii. We were all so excited. He had been without a Wii since ours got fried over the summer when Connor stuck a pair of scissors in it.

Our kids were happy and I needed caffeine.

While the kids played with their new treasures I got myself a diet Vanilla Pepsi and worked on breakfast.

On Christmas Eve the thought of having apple stolen for breakfast danced thru my head. While getting everything ready for our Christmas Eve Fiesta, I made these wonderful stolens and left them to rise while we celebrated with family.

When we returned home, much later than we had planned, I found our lovely breakfast to be had risen and expanded consuming my pans.

I decided to bake them anyway. They still might work right? Wrong, these were a horrible failure. So our Christmas breakfast consisted of scrambled eggs, bacon, and fresh squeezed orange juice. (Oranges hand picked from the Crandall citrus plantation.)

Next year I will tackle that stolen again.

Later in the day it was time to go to the Crandall house.

On the way there is when we learned that the kids (the boys at least) had been up since just after 4. My darling little boys fell asleep in the car.

Our gift to Brent's parents this year was a flannel quilt. They almost didn't get to have it because Brent wanted to put it on our bed. It was very warm and very soft.

After we opened gifts we had a wonderful ham dinner. It was so delicious. The next few hours were spent building with legos. Stephen and Timmy helped the kids to build their car/airplane/spaceship only to have to help build them into something else a half hour later. Each kit could be assembled into three different things.

4 boys...

2 uncles...

12 possibilities...

hours of fun.

Christmas this year was amazing. Things are still tough financially on all sides of our family. Some are out of work, others are facing layoffs or reduction in hours or pay.

But this year for my small family things were perfect.

This time last year we were in the process of loosing our house. Brent was still a full time student and I was working crazy hours at Walmart. I remember sobing while putting up our Christmas tree last year, uncertain where we would be in the coming months.

This year was different.

Brent has a job.

I'm at home again with my children.

We are in a home we love (even if it's rented)

and

We know we are exactly where Heavenly Father wants us to be.

The greatest gifts this year weren't found under the tree.

They were gifts of time spent together and the sharing of love for one another.

I'm so thankful to have been able to spend time with my family making cookies, seeing the Temple lights, and watching old Christmas movies drinking eggnog.

I'm grateful for all of the friends we were able to take goodies to, and the ones who brought some to us.
I'm blessed to have memories of laughter and feelings of contentment with what we have and where we are.

It was truly a Merry Christmas.

Christmas Eve...

2010-01-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve this year was at Mark's house.

This was the first family gathering in his new house.

He was very excited to be the host.

We had our traditional Mexican food feast...

it was oh so yummy.

Papa played Go Fish with the kids.

We read the Christmas story from the scriptures

Then exchanged our gifts...

This year was the family picture year...

Here's my cute little family...

sisters...

the girls...

the boys...

a father and son...

an aunt with her nieces and nephew...

a great aunt with her greats...

the ones who wait for Santa...

and the two who started it all...

Christmas Eve was a night of family...

making memories in a new home...

thankfulness for eachother...

remembering a difficult year...

gratitude for enduring it...

and

Celebration of the birth of our Savior.

Heidi's birthday

2010-01-05T08:50:00.000-08:00

Heidi and two birthday parties this year.

She got lots of fun presents...

a tea set...

a baking set...

new dresses and shirts...

princess socks...

butterfly necklaces...

books and a puzzle...

strawberry shortcake car...

my little pony set...

and her blue velvet birthday dress...

We had such a fun time celebrating with all of our family.

Each night was filled with laughter and love...

and...

huge smiles from a cute blue eyed girl.

little kids...

2009-12-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

While playing around with Connor last night

I was calling him my little boy...

He quickly looked at me

and said...

"Mom I'm not a little boy"...

"I'm medium!"

I thought was just too cute.

Our Webelo Scout....

2009-12-17T22:15:00.000-08:00

During December's pack meeting...

All the scouts had to line up for uniform inspection.

Not everyone passed.

Bryan earned his fitness pin,

Bryan had to give a brief explanation as to what he did to earn his pin and badge.

He also earned his citizenship belt loop.

and filled all the requirements to earn his Webelos badge.

He pined his mom.

Last of all the Wolves gave the skit.

We are very proud of our boys and the hard work they've put into scouts. We are very thankful for the Scout leaders who have put in so much time to make sure the boys succeed. Bryan is now ready to go from the cub scouts to the boy scouts. He's trying to hurry and get everything done to earn his arrow of light before his birthday. Bryan's last activity as a boy scout will be the pine wood derby coming up in January. I can't believe how fast the time has gone.

The little baker....

2009-12-17T21:34:00.000-08:00

Heidi has always loved to help in the kitchen. So when she got a little baking set from Mema for her birthday she could hardly wait to make cupcakes.

The set came with a miniature cupcake pan, cupcake liners,

measuring spoons, a wooden spoon,

a whisk, a spatula, and an apron.

She helped mix together all the ingredients.

Had to make sure it tasted just right.

Patiently waited for the cupcakes to come out of the oven.

Frosted them herself.

Then neatly placed them on the plates to her new tea set,

and went to go have a tea party with her babies.

Gingerbread houses....

2009-12-16T20:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my friend and her kids came to my house to make gingerbread houses. They had never made them before so it was a real treat. I am surprised that we had enough candy to make the houses with 5 kids constantly eating the building materials. We had a really great time though. It was fun to see the kids get excited over their creations.

The kitchen smelled like gingerbread.

(The Crandall House)

Christmas music played in the background,

(The Heim House)

and the sound of laughter filled the air.

I'm so glad that we were able to do this together. It was such a great day.

My Sweet girl.....

2009-12-15T22:48:00.000-08:00

I can't believe you are 5 years old today. I blinked and you weren't a baby anymore. Where has all the time gone?

You are such a sweet girl. You have filled our home with laughter, tenderness, all things pink and princess, wrapped up in a diva attitude. I look at you and am amazed at how much you've grown. You still have the biggest blue eyes. Your smile just melts my heart. I love how you want to always be the helper. It's nice to have someone to play with in the kitchen. You have the biggest imagination and I'm always in awe at the things you come up with. Your most favorite things are your babies and anything princess. Pink and purple are your most favorite colors. You can write your name and are learning to write other words like mom and dad. You are getting excited about going to school soon. You have such a tender spirit. You love to give squeezes and kisses. Sunday is your favorite day because you get to go to primary and see all of your friends. I am thankful everyday that Heavenly Father sent you to me and I am so proud to be your mom. I can't believe how much you've grown and I'm excited to see the little girl you are becoming.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUTE GIRL.

Love you,

~Mom

Ward Christmas party......

2009-12-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

The ward Christmas party on Saturday night was so much fun. Brent and I had to help set things up earlier in the day. We got the tables set up and decorated. The stage was turned into a stop on the Polar Express. We also helped cook two of the turkeys. Our house smelled so good. They party started at 5:00 and we brought Bryan's friend Alex with us.

There were so many people that came we had to set up more tables and chairs. There was tons of great food. The main dishes were turkey and ham. Bishop Felt read the Polar Express while we ate dessert. Then the whole bishopric performed a fabulous skit. While wearing swim caps and goggles they pretended to be synchronized swimmers. The evening ended with Santa Clause. Heidi and Connor couldn't wait to sit on Santa's lap. They waited patiently for their turn. Heidi was so excited to tell him that she wants a new baby and a tea set. The ward Christmas party was great. We met so many new people. We love being a part of the Stone Creek Ward!

Bryan and his awesome music skills.

2009-12-11T09:25:00.000-08:00

I just thought you might like to see Bryan and his band. My favorite is when Bryan taps his foot.

I'm thankful for...

2009-12-11T09:18:00.000-08:00

1.) My Church Calling...

I'm thankful for my calling at church. Brent and I are on the activities committee. I actually love my calling. We are getting ready for the ward Christmas party this Saturday. It's been great to be involved in helping put things together. It's an easy way to get to know people and feel like you belong while also doing some service.

2.) Banks who are unwilling to work with you....

Odd as it may sound I'm actually thankful for our mortgage company Bank of ~~Satan~~ America. This time last year we were fighting with our mortgage company because our adjustable rate was about to go up. Brent being out of work and a full time student we were living off of student loans and couldn't afford the $300 a month increase. We prayed and prayed about what to do and decided to put our house up for short sale. It's been a year fighting with the bank. We've had 5 buyers walk away because the bank has been unwilling to negotiate. We just found out yesterday that our house will be sold at auction on Monday Dec 14 over a difference of $8000. Brent and I were talking about this last night and we both feel that even though this has been a trial we have truly been blessed to be where we are. We are in a house we love, in a neighborhood we love, and in a ward we adore. It's amazing how much Heavenly Father can bless us.

3.) Christmas cookies....

It's always fun to make cookies with my kids. Yesterday we had fun playing around with a cookie press that I got a long time ago but had never used. We made cute little Christmas tree butter cookies. Even used green food coloring to make the dough more festive. Each child got a spoon or a beater to lick. They got to take turns using the cookie press, and every one loved the taste of the warm cookies from the oven. Life is sweet.

4.) There was no damage...

I'm thankful that there was no damage done to our durango when a tree fell on top of it earlier this week.

5.) Christmas break...

I don't know how greatful I will be in three weeks, but I'm thankful that today is the last day of school for the boys. It will be fun having them home. We will be doing a lot of baking and gift wrapping over the next few days.

I looked out the window and what did I see.....

2009-12-08T11:51:00.000-08:00

Last night the storm came and killed our tree.

Last night before we went to bed we had family prayer. It was my turn, and I remember being thankful for the rain. I also remember asking for our family to be protected and kept safe. I never thought that I would have to pray to keep the Durango safe too.

At least it didn't fall on the house. I just hope nothing is broken under there.

I'm so glad we just got it washed.

Girls and dolls...

2009-12-06T14:09:00.000-08:00

Heidi loves playing with her babies. I often check on her at night before I go to sleep and find several babies or stuffed animals tucked in beside her. They are usually covered up in one of Heidi's shirts or a hand towel. The last time she did this some of her smaller babies were covered up with a diaper from her cabbage patch doll. So for Heidi's birthday I decided to make her a blanket and pillow for her babies. We went to the fabric store and Heidi picked out this really cute material. It had to be pink of course and has all these cute little baby things on it.

We ended up with enough material to make 2 blankets, 2 pillows and 4 burp cloths. Heidi told me her babies were very excited for their new things. Heidi helped to stuff one of the pillows, but when one of the blankets was finished she had to try it out to see if her baby liked it. Next thing I knew she had sweet talked Connor into finishing stuffing the pillows.

As soon as I finished with everything I went to go check on my little mommy. She was in her room telling her babies it was dark outside and time to go to sleep. Heidi lovingly tucked her babies in and kissed them on their little heads. Heidi told me how they would be warm now but they won't stop fighting over the burp cloths. Little girls are so cute.

I couldn't help but take a few quick pictures of my adorable girl before leaving her alone to play with her babies.

When I walked past her room a little while later I couldn't help but stop and watch. She had lined up her dolls in front of her kitchen. Placed all the new bedding on the floor in front of them, and was taking pictures of everything using a box of crayons as a camera. Oh she makes me laugh. What an imagination!

Gratitude....

2009-12-04T09:04:00.000-08:00

So I've decided that on Fridays I'm going to write about 5 things I'm thankful for. It's a good way to keep things in perspective and to remember how good my life really is.

1.) New Friends...

I am thankful for Bryan's new friend. His name is Alex and lives just two doors down from us. I'm so happy Bryan has found someone he can play with and talk to. It's also filled my heart to see how big Bryan's heart is. The first time Bryan talked to Alex it was while walking home from school.
Alex's bike broke just as they turned on our street. I was waiting outside for the boys when I saw Bryan stop to talk to a boy on his bike. Connor came running home telling me that Bryan was trying to help this boy fix his bike. Next thing I knew Bryan and this boy were in my garage working on the problem. Bryan reminds me so much of his dad, always wanting to help those in need. After about 20 minutes the bike was fixed and Alex was on his way home. Since then they've been really good friends. I'm thankful to have a son with such a caring heart.

2.) Cooler Weather...

I am so thankful that the weather has finally cooled down. It has been so lovely to be able to have our windows open during the day. It's nice to let the fresh air in. My favorite part about the cooler weather though is the night time. I love being able to wrap up in blankets up to my eyeballs and feel the cold air on my face. This really is my favorite time of the year.

3.) Hot Chocolate...

Now that it's colder I'm thankful for hot chocolate. Chocolate in any form is truly a blessing. However there is just something about hot chocolate that is both comforting and soul filling. I don't know if it's because of the memories of childhood that fill my mind as the smell of creamy chocolate goodness comes from my mug; or if it's because I'm always reminded of family and the comfort of home. With every sip it's like being wrapped in a warm chocolate hug. (Did I mention I like chocolate?) My children love hot chocolate. They all stand around the stove watching the steam come from the pan. Fighting over who gets to put in the marshmallows. The best part about hot chocolate are the chocolate mustaches and smiles that remain once the mug is empty.

4.) Being at home...

After having to work the last few Christmas' at your friendly neighborhood Walmart I am so thankful this year to be at home. I'm able to do all the things that I've really missed. Decorate my home with all of our decorations that we've collected over the years, bake cookies, watch old Christmas movies on tv, etc. I guess you could say that I'm thankful for time. Time spent with my family is my favorite thing in the world.

5.) Gratitude...

I am honestly thankful to have a heart filled with gratitude. These last few years have been extremely difficult. Full of burden and trial. I can look back on those now and feel blessed by the experience. I was taught many things. I learned that my family is my home and a house is just the walls that surround it. I feel we can overcome anything as long as we do it together. I know I'm stronger than I ever thought. I'm thankful for the things I have such as my husband and children, and the knowledge to know what's really important. When things were really tough it was hard to be thankful but now I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I feel my life is richer for the experience and that is something to really be full of thanks for.

with love
~amy

Thoughts...

2009-12-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been more than 2 years since I last posted on this blog. I'm sure no one even noticed. I've thought about this blog a lot lately, ever since there was a lesson in Relief Society about remembering where you come from. It was also about the importance of keeping some type of journal, a recording of daily things. Some one had suggested that a blog was a good idea, or to keep a book with cards or notes that you've been given. So I've decided that I'm really going to try and write as often as I can about the things going on in our lives. Even though I haven't posted anything in over 2 years it was still fun to read the things I wrote. Even if I'm the only person that ever reads this, that's ok. It's fun to look back and see how things have changed and how my kids have grown.

with love,

~Amy

Love this quote....

2007-09-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Here's our retarded cat Sadee...

2007-08-14T15:50:00.001-07:00

Well I was just doing some laundry and I guess our dumb cat thought it would be a good place to nap. When I walked it she was laying in the dryer. Of course I went to go get the camera and she moved. I guess she knew she was in trouble.

Crandall Update....

2007-08-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

Well it's been awhile since I've updated this. A lot has changed in the last month. Brent lost his job in the middle of July. He hasn't been able to find work and has decided to go back to school for Computer Security. So I now have 3 boys in school. I never thought I'd have to go back to school shopping for him! Well since someone has to bring home the money I got a job about 2-3 weeks ago working at the new Walmart on Power and Ray. I work as a cashier usually in the early mornings. So if you're ever there come say hi. At least I get paid to shop there. Ha ha ha! You better believe between my discount and coupons I'm going to save a bundle! My boys think it's awesome that I work there. Heidi on the other hand doesn't understand the changes yet. She been with me all day long everyday of her little life. So when mommy goes somewhere she wants to go as well. When I tell her no she asks WHY??? I wanna go! Poor kid. And when I get home she follows me like a hawk. If I leave the room she wanders around asking "Where's Mommy!?!" It will take her awhile to get adjusted. Brent's doing pretty well being a stay at home dad. He's been great with helping with dinners and dishes. Who knew I married such a domestic! I'm greatful to have him. He's my hero. Other than being crazy busy and dealing with major life changes we are doing pretty well. We're still here, together and healthy. That's all that matters. The boys are doing great in school. Connor loves Kindergarten but has "issues with the other kids" I think it's funny because most kids have been at home and never in a setting where they had to get along with so many different kids. They just don't know how to act with eachother. Bryan is quickly finding out that homework is harder in 3rd grade. He likes his teacher though and is doing great with catching up on his reading. I think the boys like having eachother at school. They sit together on the bus and even walk home holding hands. Now if I can just get them to show that brotherly love at home!

Well that's about it for now. I hear the laundry calling my name! Hope everyone is doing well.

Back to School

2007-07-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

Well our boys are back at school. Bryan in 3rd grade and Connor in Kindergarten. They were both so excited they could barely go to sleep. Brent and I were able to take them both to their classrooms.

Connor we could see was a little nervous as we approached the kindergarten playground. There were a lot of kids and parents and I have to admit the scene was a little overwhelming. We found his teacher Mrs. Trakas and she showed him where to put his backpack gave him a name tag and he was ready to go play. So we got hugs and a goodbye as he ran out the door. I can't believe my baby is in school. He still seems so little to me.

Bryan our seasoned pro was ready to go. We took him to his classroom and he knew what to do. We got our hugs and a goodbye and watched him as the door closed. I can't believe he is in the 3rd grade. Time goes so fast and he seems to grow at twice the speed.

And then there was one! Heidi is our only one still home. It's strange how quiet everything seems. It will be interesting to see how Heidi handles being the only one here. She's used to having Connor to tease...I mean play with all day.

Connor has lost his first tooth....

2007-07-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

Connor lost his FIRST tooth yesterday afternoon. It was by accident really. He's been either affraid to wiggle the loose teeth or he just doesn't think about them. Anyway, Bryan and Connor were playing "fishing for the kitty" (a game where they tie a piece of string to Bryan's light saber and tie a stuffed animal to the other end and throw it over the wall going upstairs) Well our cat was taking a nap so Connor decided to be the kitty and would bite on the stuffed animal. Well Bryan pulled on the string and out came Connor's tooth.

Things were kind of busy for us yesterday and I guess for the Tooth Fairy too, because she FORGOT to visit our house last night. I know I couldn't believe it either. Well it's a good thing because this morning Connor lost his SECOND tooth. I'm not exactally sure how this one came out but I'm sure it has something to do with his older brother because I later heard Bryan following Connor around saying let's get that other loose tooth out. "You want more money don't you?" Followed by "Can I have one of your dollars?"

(the scratch on Connor's face was another casualty of the fishing for kitty game, he got hit in the face with the string.)

My New Favorite Quote

2007-07-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning how to dance in the rain".

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

2007-07-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July! We started the day with a family pancake brunch at Nancy and Cortney's house.(Brent's sister and hubby)

Followed by swimming and some awesome water volleyball. The water was nice and cool and completely made us forget how HOT! it was outside. Some of us forgot to put on sunscreen and are now horribly sunburned (Brent and Stephen) My poor kids were out there so long that their sunscreen wore off and their little backs and shoulders are red. (They've been running around the house the last 2 days with no shirts. Heidi I think is doing it more to go along with her brothers) After swimming we headed over to Brent's parent's house were there was some intense bowling competitions on the Wii. Later we BBQ'd and had potato and pasta salad of course; it's and American tradition! Then to finish the day off we lined up on the side of the road along with everyone else in Queen Creek and watched the fireworks from Schnepf's farm. It was a great day full of laughter and family. I can't wait to do it again next year.

When you feel short of blessings....

2007-06-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

Things have been kind of stressful lately and I've often found myself pondering what's going wrong or things that we are lacking. So I've decided that it's no fun to be a Debbie Downer so I'm making a top ten list of things that I am truly thankful for. So here goes...

1. A Heavenly Father who loves me and knows what's best for me even when I don't see it that way.

2. A husband who loves me and is supportive. Without him things would be A LOT worse.

3. My children, even though it is often hard to keep up with them they can make your day with just a smile.

4. My entire family. I don't know how those of you who aren't close to your families get thru life. We are all about family everything we do they are the center of it all. I am thankful for this built in support system.

5. I'm grateful for the Grocery Game which has allowed me to really add to my food storage in ways I never thought possible. In the lean times (like at the moment) it is such a relief to know that there is little that we need to get by.

6. My beautiful home in which I feel safe and loved. Where memories are made everyday that we will remember forever.

7. I'm am thankful for the sunrise and sunset. With the way our house faces I can see the sunrise out of my kitchen window and am grateful to be able to start over. In the evening I can see the sunset out of both the living room and my bedroom and it makes me feel blessed to have made it thru another day.

8. Friends, they don't have to be high in number to make a difference in your life. They always seem to know when to call or when you need a hug.

9. Laughter, you can't be sad or grumpy when you laugh. And to hear the laughter of my children just makes my heart melt.

10. Believe it or not I am also thankful for adversity. It makes you grow stronger in ways you never thought possible. On that note I'm done with mine and would like to take this opportunity to share the ability to grow with someone else.

Here we go.....

2007-06-29T17:53:00.000-07:00

Well here's the debut post for our blog. Please bear with me as I learn how to operate all of this. Right now our lives are a little crazy as Brent just got back from a 12 day business trip to CA. It was hard but we surrvived, barely. Everything that could go wrong when you are alone does, so I've learned. Just in this last week I got locked out of my house, Connor has strep (no insurance at the moment), we were playing in our little blow up pool and not more then 5 minutes after we got it filled up Connor decides to "dive-in" and hits his head on the concrete leaving a huge goose egg on his forehead. At the same time Heidi chokes on the water and throws up in the pool while we were all sitting in it. Those are just a few of the random things that happened this week. Such is life. It's times like these that I feel so blessed to have CHOCOLATE in my life.